I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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