I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
