I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
