if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
