yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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