Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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