She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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