I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
it hurts more in the daytime
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
