Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I will die if light touches me.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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