Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
