Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
