So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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