I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
