I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
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