Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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