dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
