she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
