Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
