We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
