Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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