I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
It's like God shit irony all over that family
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
