I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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