there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
