I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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