He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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