4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Boobs are out for the taking
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize