we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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