I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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