Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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