I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize