So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize