i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
