Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize