Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
