i need an iv and a liver transplant
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Randomize
