at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
