I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
