Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
My dick has a subreddit
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
