I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
