So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
