A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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