ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
A bitchslap is in order.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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