I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
