When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize