he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
