I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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