dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
