You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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