I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
