last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Randomize
