Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
