either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize