you win again, gameday.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
