You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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