Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize