the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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