Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
