My liver just broke up with me...
I think I died a long time ago.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
