Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
