I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
