Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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