Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
