Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize