drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
