Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
