She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
