using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
