some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize