we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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