He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
