Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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