I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
