Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Someone shattered a urinal.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
