But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
