so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Let's paint friendship bongs
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
