Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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