Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
