I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
