I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
