WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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