nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize