One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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