True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
