doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
