Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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