Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
