I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Say something about gay babies.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
