Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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