girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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